Let Them vs Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Just before Christmas, I saw Let Them by Mel Robbins and Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mason side by side in a bookstore. The former came out last year and I have just finished reading it. The latter, I read a few years ago.

Going just by the title, they sounded similar and their message is somehow similar. Here are my nuggets of difference:

The Let Them Theory teaches people to stop trying to control others’ opinions, behaviour and expectations and to shift focus to what they can control (their own reactions and choices).

There are two parts of the idea:
“Let them” (allow others to act independently)
“Let me” (focus on your own actions and responses).

Manson’s approach is similar in the sense that he says you is:

• What sort of goals should we have in a first place?

• What sort of things should we give a fuck about?

I read both on Audiable. Let them is read by the author, but both versions are a really easy read.

Here are some tools I like from Manson’s approach.

CHOOSE YOUR STRUGGLE

If I ask you @What do you want out of life?” And you say something like, “I want to be happy and have a great family and a job I like,” the response is so common and expected that it doesn’t really mean anything.

What are the struggles I want in my life?

What pain do I want in my life?

What is worth struggling for?

What is worth valuing?

What is worth sacrificing for?

Mel’s approach has some good tips and I am going to say it. That I think will resonate with women more. Because in general women can be more nurturing and operating well in a group. So she gives some tips how to approach adults friendship, relationship tips and tricks and how to navigate family dynamics both with the extended family and your immediate one. And they are really like emotional and things that us as wife, mother, sister, friend has thought.

But all in all, both have the same philosophy to letting go of worrying about others’ opinions or controlling what you can’t. A framework that will help you reduce internal stress, and improve personal clarity.

New Year's resolutions edition: The Art of Letting Go

The Art of Letting Go

Have you ever felt held hostage by your own dreams?

I am a goal-oriented person - a trait that serves me well when making New Year’s resolutions or when I push for something I really want.

Do you relate?

Have you ever, however, felt trapped by your own dreams?

I have. In fact, I can think of several work and personal examples where I pushed so hard for a goal or dream to come true that I failed to check in with myself to ask whether it was still something I truly wanted - or even needed.

In my end-of-year reading, I came across a passage that made me rethink goal-setting, especially if you’re someone who loves lists, resolutions, and plans.

The full text is below. It also made me think about the Chinese philosophy of Wu Wei (無為), or Shi De: effortless action - letting go in order to gain.

There’s important value in being willing to change your plans as your understanding of the world expands and grows more complex. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself and the people around you is to have the wisdom to know which dreams to let go of in order to make room for something new. Some dreams undoubtedly propel us forward, but others hold us back. The trick is learning to distinguish between the two—and, when you decide an old dream no longer serves you, finding the courage to slip its bonds.

From The Next Day by Melinda French Gates